Brachy Municipal allergen intake since 1954 · 4,100 pugs on file

Your pug has been saying something for six years.

Brachy records ambient respiratory audio from the dog bed and returns a ranked household allergen report. First findings in nine weeks.

Begin intake
Intake
0441
Panel
9 items
Cycle
40 weeks
Result
Inconclusive

Every household is assigned a file number at intake. The number does not change when the findings do.

A pug sitting on a speckled terrazzo floor in front of bolted cobalt enamel panels in a veterinary waiting room.

Intake 0441, week nine, waiting for a result that was posted to the wrong address.

What we do with fourteen hours of breathing

The model was trained on 4,100 pug files and nothing else. It cannot discuss other breeds and will not try.

Wheeze transcription

A calibrated microphone in the bed captures fourteen hours of nightly breathing. Brachy renders it as complete English sentences, punctuated, in your pug's registered voice profile. Grammar is inferred. Tone is not.

Elimination protocol

We remove one object from your home per week and observe. The protocol runs forty weeks and does not accept substitutions. Most households finish with no sofa and no conclusive finding.

Veterinary correspondence

Brachy emails your actual veterinarian on your pug's behalf, cites its own report, and does not stand down. Average thread runs thirty-one messages before the clinic stops replying.

On file

Participants are photographed at intake and again at week forty. These are the intake photographs.

"Brachy determined that I am allergic to the hallway. My owner has sealed the hallway."
Marguerite, a fawn pug, photographed against a cream backdrop. Marguerite
Pug, 7, Household Allergen Index participant #0441
"Nine weeks of listening produced a sixty-page report naming my brother as the primary irritant. I had been saying this out loud the entire time."
Desmond, a black pug, photographed against a cobalt backdrop. Desmond
Pug, 4, Registered Wheezer, Tier II
"The sofa is gone. I feel roughly the same. The binder is very well made."
Colonel Peaches, an elderly fawn pug with a grey muzzle, photographed against a green backdrop. Colonel Peaches
Pug, 11, Elimination Protocol completer, cohort 2024-B

Intake plans

Billing begins at intake. The nine-week clock begins when the microphone is calibrated, which is a separate appointment.

Snout

One pug. One microphone.

$34 / month

  • Twelve transcribed hours per night
  • Allergen report every nine weeks
  • Email support, weekdays, Lisbon hours

Full Panel

For households that suspect the rug.

$290 / month

  • Unlimited transcription, all pugs at the address
  • Forty-week elimination protocol
  • Two open veterinary threads
  • Quarterly findings binder, printed and bound

Brachycephalic Concierge

Someone comes to the house.

$14,200 / year

  • Billed once, at intake
  • On-site microphone calibration, twice yearly
  • A named allergist assigned to your pug
  • Unrestricted veterinary correspondence
  • We attend the appointment with you

Console for intake 0441

The household panel, the transcript, and the veterinary thread as your allergist sees them. Nothing has been resolved yet.

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