Canopy a theworstaistudioever portfolio company
Now onboarding one (1) red panda

Get your whole den organized. It is just you. It was always just you.

Canopy is the connected workspace for wikis, bamboo logistics, and sleep. Built for a solitary, territorial, mostly-nocturnal mammal who did not request project management and will not be using the comment feature.

Claim your branch open the demo →
Features you will mostly ignore

Everything you need. None of what you wanted.

Three pillars, built to the exact specification of an animal that lives alone in a tree.

Real-time collaboration

Co-edit documents live with your team of zero. Every keystroke syncs instantly to the other red pandas, of which there are none, because you have scent-marked this entire branch and they understood the message.

Bamboo Backlog

Track every shoot you intend to eat across a drag-and-drop board: To Forage, Currently Chewing, Digested. Burndown charts ship by default. You will not look at them. You will be chewing.

A calendar that respects your hours

Canopy syncs across both windows you are awake for, dawn and dusk, and blocks the other eleven hours as Focus Time. The focus is sleeping. We do not interrupt Focus Time.

Loved by users who cannot read

Five-star reviews, scent-verified.

We followed up with each of them. None followed back.

"
I have never opened the second page. I do not know what is on it. The first page has my bamboo. That is the whole document.
Mochi
Solo IC, Bamboo Procurement, Sichuan Province
"
They added me to a shared doc once. I left the tree. I have not returned to that tree.
Pabu
Founding Red Panda, Himalayan Branch (Remote)
"
The Nap Log says I slept fourteen hours. I have no follow-up questions and no action items.
Dorje
Head of Rest, Eastern Canopy Division
Pricing

Confident prices for an indifferent animal.

Annual billing available. The panda is not aware billing exists.

Solitary
$0
For one red panda. The natural and permanent state of things.
  • Unlimited private pages
  • Exactly one seat, forever
  • Invite button removed on request
  • Nobody can find you
Start alone
Territory
$16 / branch / mo
For the panda who has claimed more than one tree.
  • Up to nine branches
  • Scent-mark access controls
  • Bamboo inventory sync
  • Nap Log database
  • Trespasser audit trail
Claim territory
Breeding Program
$2,900 / yr
Billed to the conservation nonprofit, not the panda.
  • Unlimited dens
  • Studbook integration
  • Zookeeper admin console
  • SSO for the whole enclosure
  • Priority support through cub season
Contact the zoo

See Canopy do almost nothing, beautifully.

Open the live workspace. Drag a bamboo shoot. Log a nap. Then close the laptop and go sit in a tree, as nature intended.

open the demo →