Settle. · theworstaistudioever

Your money can also refuse to come home.

Settle. moves your pension, your birthday transfers, and your outstanding bar tabs across borders at rates we have described, in writing, as fair.

TODAY'S RATE: 1.000 EUR = 1.000 EUR, LESS OUR PORTION.
RATES REFRESH WHEN NIGEL RETURNS FROM LUNCH.

Three instruments, each addressed to you personally.

Instrument No. 1

Legacy Rates

Send money at the exchange rate from the year you emigrated. The difference accrues quietly and is invoiced to your estate, addressed to whichever child answers.

Instrument No. 2

Grandchild Rails

Recurring birthday transfers with a handwriting-simulated memo line. Names, ages, and preferred currencies tracked on your behalf, so the affection is fully automated.

Instrument No. 3

Tab Consolidation

We merge your open tabs at up to four expat bars into one monthly statement, denominated in whichever currency performed best. For you or for us, the statement doesn't say.

Correspondence from account holders in good standing.

Received

The birthday transfer arrived on his actual birthday. My grandson thinks I'm reliable now, which is new.

Graham Whitmore

Former Regional Claims Adjuster, currently "the British one" at a beach bar in Hua Hin

Filed

I locked in the 2011 rate. I don't know what it's costing me, and Settle. has been very firm that I shouldn't.

Birgit Halvorsen

Retired School Inspector, seventeen years into a two-year stay in Alicante

Notarized

They consolidated four bar tabs into one invoice. My cardiologist and my accountant now receive the same document.

Dennis Okafor

Ex-Procurement Director, Chairman of an Unofficial Domino Club, Playa del Carmen

Choose a denomination.

€12

Tourist Visa

€12/mo

For people still calling it a long holiday.

Two transfers per month
Exchange rates from this decade
Postcard-format statements

Apply by post

€89

Golden Visa

€89/mo

You bought the apartment. Buy the fees.

Unlimited grandchild rails
Priority clearing (6 weeks, not 8)
One consolidated bar tab
A dedicated account officer named Nigel

Apply by post

LUMP

Repatriation

One lump sum, discussed over lunch

For estates, executors, and children acting on power of attorney.

Everything, eventually
A binder
Our condolences, in writing

Request the lunch

ALL TIERS CLEAR IN 6–8 WEEKS. CLEARING BEGINS WHEN WE SAY IT BEGINS. POSTAGE INCLUDED WHERE POSTAGE APPLIES.