S Stevedore

1.0 Statement of the problem Plate 01

S

Every deploy lands on a Steve.

Stevedore is the frontend platform for engineering organisations that are structurally unable to tell their Steves apart. Push to main and the resolver decides which one of you did it. 41 regions, 41,208 verified Steves, disambiguation at the edge in under 400ms.

Verify your first name Open the resolver console →
Verified Steves41,208
Edge regions41
Resolver p50381ms
Contested today1,904

2.0 Correct use of the Steve Plate 02

Three standards govern every push.

2.1

Named-origin routing

Every deployment resolves to a hostname derived from your legal first name, so all of them are the same hostname. When two Steves push to one project, production traffic splits by middle initial. Steves without a middle initial are round-robined until one of them files a ticket.

2.2

The disambiguation index

We maintain a global registry of every verified Steve and assign each one a stable numeric suffix at signup. The suffix is permanent, non-transferable, and load-bearing across your entire build pipeline. It is not shown to you.

2.3

Rollback to a previous Steve

Builds are immutable and attributed. When production breaks, roll back to the last Steve who did not break it. He is notified at the time of rollback, at his registered address, whether or not he still works here.

3.0 Approved statements from the index Plate 03

Filed under origin.

“We had four Steves and one repository. We now have four Steves, one repository, and a numbering system that none of us agreed to and none of us can see.”
Portrait of Steve Kowalczyk Steve Kowalczyk Staff Engineer, Platform Identity
Halcyon Freight Systems · Steve 00062
“The rollback notified the wrong Steve for six weeks. Support explained, patiently, that this is the notification working.”
Portrait of Steve O Ruairc Steve O Ruairc Director of Release Engineering
Merriwether Dental Group · Steve 11730
“I am Steve 00417. I have never been shown that number. I learned it from a colleague's error log and I think about it most evenings.”
Portrait of Steve Adeyemi-Farrow Steve Adeyemi-Farrow Interim VP of Frontend
Coastal Ledger Systems · Steve 00417

4.0 Licensing schedule Plate 04

Priced per Steve, per month.

I

Steve

$0

One name, one project, no guarantees about which of you gets it.

  • 1 verified Steve
  • Preview deployments on shared origin
  • Suffix reassigned on the first of each month
  • Community support, staffed by Steves
Start unresolved
II

Steve Pro

$28 / Steve / mo

For Steves who have been asked to stop pushing on Fridays.

  • Priority disambiguation, p50 under 400ms
  • One permanently reserved suffix
  • Rollback to any prior Steve
  • Middle initial stored in a durable region
Reserve a suffix
III

Steven

$4,200 / mo

For organisations with more than nine Steves and no plan for that.

  • Dedicated resolver on isolated hardware
  • Custom split weights per middle initial
  • Contested-identity escalation within 5 business days
  • Named account contact (Steve)
Talk to Steve

5.0 Handoff

The console knows which Steve you are.

It will not tell you. It will show you the trace, the confidence score, and the moment it stopped comparing middle initials and flipped a coin.

Open the demo →